women like you drown oceans – rupi kaur
BPS, is what I’m most commonly called by close friends and family. You might think that I’ve referred to myself as such for years. To be honest, it took me a long time to accept and understand my identity for who I was.
For years, I never appreciated my blackness, features, culture or even my flaws. I constantly hid myself behind fake smiles and fake hellos. Little did people know that I disliked A LOT of things about myself. I constantly felt insecure or uglier compared to my peers who had long beautiful hair with lighter complexions.
Fast forward to the year of 2017, I began to appreciate my culture, my name and the little things that make me, ME
I remember every time I would fill applications, I would circle female, Black/ African-American… but reality is.. Did I really know what I was circling? I struggled with my identity not because I didn’t care but because my culture wasn’t appreciated. Compared to the other kids in my classroom, the cultures and traditions I knew were completely different from what I saw once I stepped outside my home. Although, I was born and raised in America as soon as I returned home every afternoon I was living in Ghana.
So yes, we eat different foods and yes we wear clothing with different shapes, colors and patterns and yes we wear a different hairstyle everyday.. but that doesn’t make me any different than you.
In middle school, I was made fun of for the food I would bring to school or often called the “African booty scratcher”. It crushed me and made me feel insecure about myself for a long time. Currently I owe my confidence to myself and accepting the fact that if ain’t broken don’t fix it. Remember believe that you are different with your own purpose. What you bring to the table is different from everyone around you and for that you’re unique. The different identities you are made up of make you special.
My name is Barbara and I identity as a Ghanaian female. I am fearfully and wonderfully made through the eyes of God himself.